Mature... this is something my ex is not.

Monday night was lawyer friend's, wife's graduation party. I showed up fashionably late with a nice bottle of wine as a gift. I noted that the ex was standing by all of the wine... shocking! I was feeling pretty confident... it was, thankfully, one of the rare occasions when I was pleased with how I looked. I made my way around the room some, talking with some people... sushi chef friend was there & he had brought a HUGE platter of sushi, so I talked with him & enjoyed some sushi. I even talked with a girl that is in the ex's lab who I hadn't seen since the ex & I broke up.

Champagne was passed around and after I finished the glass I decided to get a glass of wine. I was going to be mature and say hi & ask how she is doing. As soon as I walked in the room, she left the kitchen through the other exit meaning she had to walk down the hall, through the office, through the living room, and back into the dining room... hmm be more obvious. She made it very obvious throughout the rest of the evening that I shouldn't even bother trying to talk to her.

I mingled some, ate some tasty food, drank some good wine & even did a shot of tequila with the graduate. It was pretty awkward the whole time. The ex made sure to keep an eye on wherever I was the entire time and if I got anywhere near speaking distance, she would move away before I could even say anything. Her brother (who I got along well with) and his gf (now fiance) were there and neither of them said anything either. I was honestly amazed at the immaturity of it all. Honestly, I was somewhat amazed, but also not that surprised, the ex can be pretty petty & immature.

While talking with other people, I overheard bits and pieces of a couple of conversations. Now when the ex & I broke up, I never once asked our mutual friends to choose between the two of us. For the most part they haven't, but from these pieces of conversation I overheard it was clear they spend far more time with the ex then me. This is fine... part of this may have to do with the fact that since I've begun coming out and making new friends I don't call them as much. Plus some of them may be moving soon. What it did make me realize was, I need to come out to them.

While standing there feeling the awkwardness in the room, I realized if one of Aaron's friends graduated, he would have unquestionably invited me to the party with him. Granted he had a take home test to work on, so no matter what, he wouldn't have been able to go, but the fact that it was something that was thought about is just lame. I also realized that clearly these friends are spending far more time with the ex then with me, so if they can't accept me being gay, then I'm not loosing nearly as much as I may have thought. I am beginning to finally accept that they probably won't care. Another grad student found out yesterday and her response was, good for him, he seems a lot happier then he was.

The only person that has had a bad reaction is the ex & that's pretty understandable that she may not have been that psyched that I finally accepted I wanted to be with a guy & not her. So my goal is to do the mature thing (unlike the ex) and come out to lawyer friend & grad student friend the next time we hang out. (I recently found out the ex told a guy she went out on a date with about me... turns out this guy happens to be room mates with "other gay guy" in Aaron's lab) Based on this, I wouldn't be surprised if lawyer & grad school friend already know. If not, I guess it'll be a surprise. Either way, I need to stop avoiding this. I want to be able to bring Aaron to the next party with these friends, especially if the ex is going to be there! At least it'll really give her a reason to not talk to me!

-Tim

Labels: Aaron, coming out, me, the ex